LESSON 7 - HOW?

Forgiveness is a well defined word no matter where you look at it. I've read many articles, religious messages, how to books and read poems about it but still having hard time putting this " word" in action.
It's been a year now when I put myself into a situation where I couldn't easily get out. There were too much emotions, many tears shed, many sleepless nights, lies hurts and deceit.
Two months ago, I made ammends with myself. Still blinded with lies, I realized that i can't keep hurting myself, my loveones and my God anymore. I did what I thought was the right thing to do - a choice that will forever affect my life. I worked on rehabilitating my emotions, worked on regaining my self respect back and struggled to get up and keep going . Im still in the process in completing these tasks.
Forgiving someone is undeniably the hardest thing to do in this journey. Forgiving myself is still a work in process. Im letting go. Im moving on. HOW? My efforts has failed me all the time but I know I can forgive "me" by His grace.

Lesson 6 - LOVING YOU

Loving you…

Started at early age, when I learned how to write and read,

Gave me the joy to go to school and out wit all the girls in class

for you to notice me,

Inspire me to dance, sing and do my best in everything.

Loving you…..

Cause me to cry, especially when it was time for you

to leave,

Encouraged me to express my thoughts in writing

especially in times when I missed you most.

The childhood fantasy lingers,

The dream of “us” remained in loving you.

Taught me to wait patiently the hard way,

When given the second chance, I never thought twice to

give it another try…..loving you.

Loving you….

Gave me joy, made me feel wanted,

Helped me discover the better part of me,

Made me accept you, for who you are, without reservation,

love you truly,

and always say, “I will do my best and my all!”

Loving you…

Helped me found my true friends and reconnected with

the past.

Loving you….

Fog my mind from the truth and asked,

“Who am I?”

I crossed the line, hurt, humiliated,

lied and rejected…..loving you!

Loving you….

Opened my eyes to a reality that,

there are things that are not meant to be,

That, “WE”, can never be.

It made me aware of my thoughts….

Made me accept that, there’s nothing I can do to change the past.

Loving you….

Taught me to admit my powerlessness which means,

the outcome is not in my hands.

Is not to regret about the past but hold the memories dear and to grow

and live for the future.

Hope that if my dreams won’t come true, that

they will remain as sweet memories.

Loving you….

Is forgiving myself for the wrong choices I made and from my mistakes.

Is to make this right, gain myself respect back and move on.

Will pray for your plans,

For your dreams to come true,

For good health and

Wishes you will find HER, in time.

Letting you go means……

Loving you!

IT'S TIME TO CATCH UP!

I've been busy lately. My full time job, family and many others kept me away from my blogging. I missed blogging, honestly. So, it's about time for me to catch up and share thoughts, my challenges and the lessons I learned.
I hope you're still there!

Lesson 5 - The Birds and Me.

I grew up in a farm house surrounded by flowers, plants and tropical fruit trees. This environment attracted several creatures especially birds of all kinds. These creatures, including quite a lot of my dad’s farm animals became a part of our kitchen’s budget.

Every morning, my dad unfailingly feeds the animals in their cages. He then fills the pot with fresh water, spread rice, grains, crumbs and overripe fruit for the birds. When I was younger, there were more than 30 birds coming to eat in our backyard, everyday. I love watching that scene and that’s one of the things I missed back home.

Last summer, we had a chance to go home; most of our time was spent in our farm house. And every morning when I got up, I saw my dad doing the same routine of sharing our food with these creatures especially the birds. After couple of days, I realized that there were more birds including ducks and chicken coming to eat every day. While having daily coffee with my dad, I had a chance to watch my favorite view once more and this time, with my much mature mind, I’m not only being entertained but I’m learning from these birds.

I noticed that the birds tolerated each other and never fought. While the ducks, ducklings, chickens and chicks picked the bigger grains and crumbs, the birds concentrated on the tiny little grains. There was not a time that the bigger bird pecked at, maltreated or stepped on the smaller ones. They just happily hopped about and ate what they could get as they quack and chirp on. It was a peaceful beautiful scene worth watching.

When we visited my in laws, I had the privilege to watch the same scene of birds happily living together in a huge bird cage built for them. There were more than 30 different birds in different sizes and colors in that cage contentedly sharing their food and their place with each other. Their chirping sound was relaxing!

Then I thought, if birds that don’t hear and read about love can mingle peacefully with understanding, why can’t we humans do the same? I don’t think they have families like we do – sons, daughters, friends, in-laws and tribes – yet they don’t have problem being together. Some of us read the bible, Koran, scriptures; Priests, Prophets, Pastors preach to us about love; we experience how to love, yet we allow worldly tension and sin to overcome us. We quarrel, fight, argue, bicker, and detest each other, even to the extreme of killing each other.

I discovered that, even birds of all sorts can mingle, share and relate peacefully. That’s how our Creator wants us to live – in unity and love.

I’m probably just feeling nostalgic, just missing home and the birds and the lessons they taught me…..

Lesson 4 - REJOICE!

We were raised from a lowly beginning: Working hard, contentment, love, rejoicing and the scriptures were taught and became our foundation. I am going to blog about rejoicing for now, since we (I) tend to forget and still learning how to rejoice in everything!

Oh sure we can do a great job rejoicing at a party, at Thanksgiving Day, Holidays, celebrations and success. How about, to rejoice always!? Rejoicing always is not something that comes easily to us. Our era tends to focus on problems, scarcity and wars. We tend to be a society that is greatly dissatisfied. Our consumer culture, according to Rev. J. Cooke, functions in creating “demands” and selling us products.

Our culture tells us that we need a faster computer, better camera, better cell phone and our wardrobes need to be updated. We are told that we deserve faster cars, bigger house, that our furniture is out of style and we need a luxurious vacation.

As the Dow continues to fall, it is not only our savings accounts and investments that decrease, but our way of life and our attitude towards the recent economic crisis.

I’m not denying that life has never been easy but I was challenged when Apostle Paul charged the early Christians in Philippi to “Rejoice always”. They knew up close and personal how to be persecuted, imprisoned, ridiculed and how difficult life could get. And yet, in all seriousness, they were encouraged to rejoice always.

We may not have everything that we want, we may have unfulfilled dreams, failures, hard pressed lives and we may not feel tickled fancy but we can still rejoice. An author said; “rejoicing is not an emotional state. It is a foundational way of existing, a premise on which our living rest”.

Our lives are functioning throughout, the planets orbit; the seasons come and go solely by His grace. We cannot control most of life- not the economy, not who comes across our path, not sickness- but we can choose how we will respond to the events of our lives. What we choose to think, how we choose to behave determines whether we will live dissatisfied or will live celebrating our faith.

For all the many ways God has been good to us, we can rejoice always. In all times of life- whether good or bad or in between – May we rejoice in Him, who blesses us in countless ways.

Lesson 3 - Mean Mums

I got this as an email from a friend and I just want to share this in my blog because it has a great lesson to ponder.
Have fun!

Mean Mums

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mum told me: " I loved you enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home. I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep. I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes. I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect. I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart. But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them." Was your Mum mean? I know mine was. I had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, I had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess my mother fixed me a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too. Mother insisted on knowing where I was at all times. You'd think I was a convict in a prison. She had to know who my friends were, and what I was doing with them. She insisted that if I said I would be gone for an hour, I would be gone for an hour or less. I was ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making me work. I had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for me to do. She always insisted on me telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time I was a teenager, she could read my minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough! Mother wouldn't let my friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, I had to wait until I was 16. Because of my mother I missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. I have never been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault. Now that I've have left home, I am well educated, and an honest adult. I'm doing my best to be a mean Mum just like Mum was. I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean mums!

Lesson 2 - Where did 2008 go?

It's been a while since my last post. I've been busy at work, in the house and other responsibilities but I will continue updating my blogs because my mind is screaming now!

As a student, I dreaded all subjects that dealt with numbers. Basic math, Algebra, Calculus, Physics, etc. But I have to take them because it's necessary to pass the course and be educated.
My sisters and my brother loved numbers on the other hand. I felt like I was the most stupid kid then. Mom, who was an elementary school teacher had her special way in teaching me and helped me through my "numbers ordeal". One night, I was so frustrated understanding my Algebra, mom, sat with me until I stopped crying and said, "It's just numbers, Algebra will soon be over and done, but the lesson you learn about numbers will always be there, no matter what you do in life". I passed all my Math subjects and now working with my degree. True, math subjects (that I hated) were all done and over with, but the theory that I learned from them still exist and are still useful.

HONESTLY, where did 2008 go? Time flew so fast. Looking back though, the past year left a lot of lessons for me. Some were so hard to understand until now but I know they were there to learn and to live with. I can't undo what was already done, the lesson will always be there no matter how harsh it was.

There were so many things in my life I wish I did n't experience. But like Algebra, it's over but the lessons I learned from it will always guide me through my life's journey.